day 26 - your fears

What I’ve learned about myself is that I am very fearful about my future. I am apprehensive about my career, my body, my relationships, my spiritual life, etc. I worry that I may not be happy or content with my life. I don’t think I have any other great fears except my fear of the future.

the struggle to love yourself

kinda sad:( i've been fighting the insecurity, the body consciousness for a while now. and it seemed as though i already overcame it, but today i was on the losing side.

it breaks my heart how much i dont appreciate what i have.

i wish people didn't have to worry about their looks as much. i'd rather worry about my spiritual life. i'd rather worry about my relationships. i'd rather worry about making myself a better person on the inside.

insecurity is one of my greatest enemies. i know it hinders me from serving God completely. i hate it. i hate how its eating me alive.

i wish we could all just see the beautiful things in others and also ourselves. i wish i could make every single person feel good and happy about himself/herself.

i cant take criticism. i am very hard on myself. im not confident in trying new things. i am critical of myself when it comes to dancing singing and tennis.

i dont know why i try so hard to try to attain the standard of beauty of the world. i dont want to be trapped and enslaved by it.

sometimes i look in the mirror and i break down.

one thing i look forward to is the day i meet that person God intended for me who will love me for who i am, regardless of what it says on the weighing scale. that person who will aid me with my insecurity. that person who will love me beyond this decaying flesh.

day 25- a first

Perfect! I since my next blog is entry is about “A First”, I want to share my first experience as a student teacher. I just started last Thursday, and I loved it immediately. I love being around children so much. even if you can’t really talk to them the way you talk to your friends, I am entertained and amazed with what they have to say. some students are very talkative and will share with you stories that you don’t even ask about. IT’S THE CUTEST THING!

So anyway, earlier this afternoon, I was with the vertical class doing my student teacher duties. After naptime today, Piper, one girl from the class hugged me from the back, and I stood up while carrying her, so the other students started jumping on me. And later they were all hugging me, hanging on to me. It got so crowded that it got so hot and it was hard to breathe, but I loved it anyway. I couldn’t stand up anymore cause of the weight. The head teacher was even telling them to let me go because she said I was “kawawa” hahaha! Although I didn’t say it, I wanted to shout, YOU CAN HUG ME AS LONG AS YOU WANT!

And after that, piper whispered to my ear and said, “teacher, let’s tabi.” Awwwwwwww. It’s sooo cute.

One other moment I had was with Elyssia. It was naptime and she lied down  on me asked me to sing her 5 songs. The songs were 10 little Indian boys, head shoulders knees and toes, happy birthday to you, the alphabet song, and I think it was twinkle twinkle. Elisha said, “This is my pillow.” Referring to my legs. “and this is my blanket.” She got my arm and placed it on top of her body. “my blanket keeps me warm. And sometimes I lick my blanket.” And she licks me!! It was an awesome moment! hahahaha! I love Elyssia so much.

I’m sorry that I am talking about the children as if I were a new mother. I just love children and I’m so happy to be working with them! 

oh and i wish i could share with you all, pictures of these adorable children, but the policy does not allow it. 

oh happy day!

I just want to inform those who visit my blog that I haven’t visited my site for 3 days because I was on a fasting break. I wasn’t going through any social networking sites, readings books, watching television, listening to the radio, reading magazines, even texting, if not needed. I missed visiting these sites.

Also, I deleted my twitter. I have many reasons why I deleted it, but in general, I deleted it because I just realized how my being in twitter just causes unwanted feelings, situations etc. like for example tweeting instead of listening in class or tweeting something that shouldn't be shared to the world. I am trying to keep myself more private from now on.

Also, I wore a headband for the first time in school today and I just want to share it because I got so many compliments for it. hihi! I’m so kilig.

And also, I am so happy not only because I got to do so many things today, and I got a lot of compliments, but also because I got to spend time with the vertical class. I am getting attached to these little children!

For those who don’t know, I am currently a student teacher in UP Child Development Center's Vertical Class. These children's ages range from 3-5 years. 

I got a lot of hugs from my students! <3 I love them so much! I love helping them. I love taking care of them. I love reading them stories. I love playing with them!

day 24- something that makes you cry

God’s love makes me cry.

I really can’t explain it well.

I just want to share a few things about God’s love and faithfulness in my life.

My parents had me at a very early age, 15 and 16. The fact that they are still together with 4 children is amazing to me. How many families do you know started with accidentally getting his girlfriend pregnant as teenagers and end up staying together in their mid-thirties? My family has gone through so much. There were so many problems. It was messy at one point, and yet we are here, still together. My parents have never been better. My family is stable.

God has provided for my family ever since I could remember. We’re not rich, and yet my parents are able to send my brothers to good schools. I am able to go to college and not pay for my education. We have EVERYTHING we need and MORE. Sometimes I wonder how this is all happening. God blessed my family so much. We have specific people in our lives because God intended for it to happen. There is no guarantee for my family financially, and yet he gets us by every single day.

Personally, there are so many things that God has done in my life that I can’t say them all. I am very thankful for my Tennis. I didn’t always love it, and yet im playing college tennis. I am doing well, and im not paying anything for my education because of it.

I am thankful that I can dance, and because of my dancing, I joined the dance ministry of my church, and that ministry has brought specific people in my life that helped me grow spiritually. I am thankful that I get to serve God with my dancing.

I am thankful that God was shouting my name when I was far from him, and when I heard his voice, I called out to him too, and he ran to me, and saved me. I am thankful that he forgave me. I am thankful that I am not the person that I was. I am thankful that he changed my heart. I am thankful that I have a deepening personal relationship with my Father who loves me the most.

day 23- something that makes you feel better

and because i am now upset because of what i wrote, i will write about something that makes me feel better.

just a few hours ago, or about an hour ago, i was talking to my parents. and i treasure those moments when we're all in a good mood just joking around. my dad talking to me about his interests. my mom and i being girls. i like opening up to my parents and i like it when they share things with me.

when i was young, i wasn't really close to them. and while i was young, they were young too so we were all so very different from the people we are now. i love that we are all mature enough to develop a good relationship with each other.

i love how my dad is very protective of me. and how he tries his best to show his affection for us.

i love how my mom tells me things and how i tell her things as well.

we all have different love languages, and when i think about those moments in car rides when my dad is being funny. or my mom is being silly. or we are all just joking around laughing like heck. it makes me happy.

my family has gone through and still goes through rough times, but no matter what, we have each other. God intended for us to be together and grow with each other.

my parents, something that makes me feel better :)

mommy and i watching a dog show

my dad and i love to sing duets

day 22- something that upsets you

First, I want to apologize because I haven't really been religious with this 30-day blog challenge. It’s just been so busy for me these past weeks. I am juggling so many things, and this is just one day I get to take time to blog. 

So for this day, i have to talk about something that upsets me, and the thing that is in my mind right now is the word "Hypocrite".

i am really sensitive here because i do not like seeing people who do not practice what they preach. i mean no one's perfect, and although i am all for Christ-like living, i stumble but it doesn't mean i am not trying. but it's just that sometimes it is so apparent when others do things differently from what they say. 

Examples are so-called Christians who talk dirty about non-believers. here is one experience.

i tweeted before, "people say that Christianity needs proof, but they don’t know that Atheism needs proof too.” a friend replied to that tweet and told me that she didn’t get it because atheism is the absence of a God so what proof is there for that. And i replied with an example. i told her that Christians get their moral law from God, a right and a wrong, but if atheists dont believe in God then where do they get their right and wrong from. i got this example from debates between Christians and atheists. After i tweeted that, an atheist account replied to me. i dont want to put anymore what he said because id have to explain it and thats not the point. haha! ANYWAYYYY

i checked out the profile and looked at his tweets and the people he replied to and i saw so many things that shocked me. i saw so-called believers who would tweet "atheists don’t deserve gifts on Christmas" and other really mean things! 

i was very disappointed.

if you are a Christian, shouldn't you love even those who don't believe? Christ loved everyone, even those who did not believe in Him so who are you to judge those who don't? who are you to say they don't deserve love. who are you to condemn them. we are all just people; imperfect. you judge them for not believing in God, while you have a God and yet you don't follow his footsteps. 

are you sure you are a follower of Jesus Christ?

Shoot the Ball!

Im just so proud of this work because 

1. The idea i came up with is so unique, and I think it’s fun for children. (tested with my brother. in fact i enjoyed it too!)

2. Although it is quite rushed, I finished it and I think it’s awesome because I did every single thing all by myself!

So this teacher-made material is used 

by getting the ping pong ball, designed as a basketball, and

it will be placed on the bottom of the acetate tube. 

The child will blow air in the opening of the tube which will cause the ping pong ball to go up and fall through the hoop.

With this toy, the child will learn how force causes objects to move, and how gravity causes things to fall.

YEYEYEYEY!!!

day 21 - another moment

During the summer when I am not drowning in schoolwork, my mind is not working so it’s so chill or it’s so boring (except when there’s a church activity to prepare for).

 I am not a homebody. I go crazy when I can’t go out of the house, but sometimes when I have no money to spend or the gym is closed, or I have no friends to be with, I am forced to stay home. At first it’s fine because I try to keep myself busy with watching movies, reading books, drawing, etc.  But as the hours pass, its like something consumes me that I go INSANE!

I remember this one time when I just stayed home and it was already after lunch, I felt this surge of energy and I stood up from the couch and started dancing! There was no music, there were no other people in the house, Just me, dancing.

but most of the time i put on fun music and i start dancing...

Like this. IM NOT EVEN KIDDING

YOU TAKE ME THE WAY I AM :>

i tend to make a lot of covers when i am stressed because it unstresses me (if there is such a word). so recently i've had loads of school work and when i take breaks, i do covers! yey! so i made another one, but i don't want people to think im promoting my singing hahaha!

i'm just happy because i never had the confidence to post my covers. and yes i do have a lot HAHAHA! feeling singer.

so here is a song by ingrid Michaelson called The way I am

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

wanna hear me and jason mraz sing?

i've never posted a cover for people i know to hear so this will probably be first. BE KIND PLEASE! HAHAHAHA

this is i wont give up by Jason Mraz

by the way i dont know why it sounds like i said sky in the first chorus, but i said skies hahahaha

oh and i didnt make a complete cover because i cant seem to make the key higher and i cant reach the low parts of the song:))

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jason_mraz/i_wont_give_up.html ]
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jason_mraz/#share

my new best friend JB! a.k.a. Justin Bieber!

i want to introduce my new best friend JB Cuarto. he is the son of my coach, Coach Chris! JB sent me cute voicenotes and he took pictures of me using his dad's phone! listen and look at them!

this is JB

and this is the picture he took of me!

these are his voicenotes to me

this one he sent me this morning

"morning sarah... ...eat breakfast now? or you'll be eating now? sarah sarah... ...you got food in your plate. youre in subic and im underwater!"

this one he sent me while im inside the court





" (i cant understand a thing) hehehehe hoo yeah! oh oh  oh oh oh!"

and this one he sent me before my game!





"good luck sarah..... bleh!"

day 20 - this month

This month brings mixed emotions for me.

The start of February is always so horrible because there are so many exams and requirements. In fact, I am actually in my hell week(S). I have 3 teacher-made materials, 4 resource files, an autobiography, a case study, a cultural performance to ‘look forward’ to.

In fact this weekend I have to finish the 3 TMM’s and the autobiography. Plus I have the UAAP game, and practice for the cultural performance plus I have to visit the school for my case study. KILL ME NOW GAHHH.

WHAT IS STRESS?

On the brighter side, I can’t wait for UAAP to be over so I can focus on my academics. I find it really hard to give 100 percent to my studies while giving 100 percent to my being an athlete. After UAAP, we have no more training, and I can finally stay up late, maybe not even sleep, to study and do requirements.

The only thing I fear about finishing UAAP is getting fat hahaha

Should I talk about Valentines Day? Nah! Hahahaha!

i look forward to the end of February as well because It means there’s one more month to go before summer! Wuhoohoo!

day 19 - something you regret

I regret many things in the past, but the most recent thing I could come up with is the fact that I trust people that I shouldn’t. I think the fact that I assume every single person is innately kind, makes me open up to them easily and trust that whatever secret I say will be between us, and that it is a start of a more intimate friendship. THAT’S WHAT GOES THROUGH MY MIND WHEN I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE.

I regret telling very personal things to those who do not know to keep things to themselves. It makes me feel so upset knowing that I made a promise to myself that I will keep whatever secret it is that the person told me, and that I will start a deeper relationship with that person then the next thing I know, my secret has been passed from ear to ear.

It’s quite depressing when things like that happen because I get to frustrated that I learned to like the person, and I end up very wrong in my judgment.

Honestly, because I suck at trusting people, and because it has happened more than once, I learned not to assume kindness to everyone anymore. I do not think anymore that people are innately kind. I do not trust people immediately anymore. I am now more reserved than I used to be with people who are not my close friends, and it’s all because of my lack of ability to choose the people I should trust.

It’s really hard when things like this happen because I find it hard to forgive. Sharing something personal to a person is like giving a part of yourself to that person, as though to say “I know I can trust you that’s why I am telling this to you. I have now invested in my friendship with you, and I hope that it will develop into a more intimate relationship as time passes.” So it’s really hard for me to “say that” and have them do something so horrible to me. Its so hard to accept, but I have to.

i have forgiven, but I have not forgotten. And because I have not forgotten, I have learned.

day 18- your favorite birthday

Would it be sad if I say I don’t have a favorite birthday? I really don’t like my birthdays. I’ve never had a birthday that I could say was perfect.

I don’t think I can say much about this blog entry because every time I think of my birthday celebrations, there’s always something that went wrong, and it’s usually a big thing.

The closest probably to my favorite birthday was my 18^th birthday because I got to spend it with almost all of my churchmates. My family and relatives were there, my teammates were there, but my CSA friends couldn’t go so I’m really sad about that part.

My debut was held at Rockwell club, and kuya carlo hosted it. I loved there were performances from the people that I love.

After my “debut”, I went out with my teammates and ate jess, and it was fun because I got my teammate to sing on stage!

My 18^th birthday wasn’t perfect because of many things, but especially because my grandparents, and auntie, weren’t there.

I wish I could celebrate a birthday where I’m completely happy!:) I look forward to that birthday!

here are some pictures:)

notice how i am dark in these pictures? its because my training back then was in the morning, where the sun and i have our bondings. i was also fatter/bigger in these pictures. maybe it's cause we would life heavy weights back then?? then we'd get so tired after training and EAT!:)) hahaha! but yeah.