i would love to be disciplined by you

sometimes i wish i could just rid myself of all ungodliness. everyday i ask God to reveal to me things that i need to change about myself and what is in my heart that displeases him. what i find amazing is that he actually answers me immediately through others. what's more amazing is that he doesn't really reveal to me what i've done already but he reveals to me what is already stirring up in my heart so it can be prevented. it hurts to know of course. no rebuke, reprimand, discipline is pleasant but it's purpose and it's product is good. i become more like Him. i become closer to Him. i am humbled. i am chiseled. i am purified. i am molded.

it's wonderful to know that God is listening to me everytime i pray, everytime i speak to Him. its amazing to me that i witness his movement in my life.

tsk tsk tsk

tsk tsk tsk. that's what i hear in my head when i know something isn't right. my humanity takes over as though i am not in control. what am i doing? i go on and on. stop. blah blah blah. no. no. no. silence.

i can never be God's perfect little girl in this body. although i live in the spirit, i am still confined in this finite home. my spirit constantly battles with my flesh. i sin. i still sin. and im sorry. i wish i could stop, highlight, delete, then type again. but i cant. my conscience pesters me even with little things- things that are not really alarming. to the world it might be nothing, but to me it is everything. guilt consumes me as though i committed murder. a little skin beyond the line and i feel like i've jumped over it. but im glad.

im glad that i feel guilty. im glad that God still shows me when i am out of line. im glad that i know when i make Him sad or mad. im still human. sinning is inevitable, but then i have God. forgiveness is freely given. Thank You, Father, that i can run to you at times when i fail. Thank You, Jesus, that you see my repentant heart and You forgive me. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for consuming me and continually purifying me. Thank You for Your love. Than You for your patience. Thank You for Your grace.

Tertris Battle

if there is one thing you would choose never to feel or experience, what would it be? my choice would be rejection. i don't fear death and yet just the thought of being rejected makes me want to crawl up in the corner of my room and make my home there. its very evident that the within me is a Tetris wall of issues under the game called insecurity. insecurity is my weakness. blocks and blocks of issues pile up inside leaving gaps and holes that long to be filled. 

but you know the good news? in this world i need different pieces that fit perfectly to make it all go away, but my omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent father filled all those distinct holes already. Fact remains that the game continues. Challenges still fall, but im not playing this game anymore. i already gave the controls to the game master himself, He who is undefeated in all ways. i can't run from my emotions, it will always be there. i am still in this game. But within me, in my very core, though i know the battle is still ongoing, i am assured of victory. i can sleep soundly at night dreaming of the day that it all ends. i have this internal peace that calms my soul. 

yes i know how to play tetris. i could be good at it, but i'm not the best at it. the wall piles up until it can't be contained anymore. but we know that the ridiculously great player can choose to build that wall before he brings it down or he can choose not to bring it up at all. Whatever the strategy is, He is in control. He makes everything fall to its place according to His perfect plan. let's stop trying to grab the controls from His hand. the Creator is always greater than the Creation. Trust. Faith. 

He will never leave you nor forsake you (Heb 13:5). His way is perfect (2 sam 22:31). The works of his hands are faithful and just (psalm 111:7). despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us (romans 8:37). I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart (john 14:27). In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (john 16:33). peace I leave with you, my peace i give you... do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John14:27). But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at east, without fear of harm (prov 1:33).

a wonderful eternity

the desire for your embrace is so great it makes my eyes flood. i'm thankful for this life, but i'd rather be with you. i read this book entitled Twelve Extraordinary Women and i thought i found myself on the pages of that book, only my name was different. 

she watched him slowly slip away from her world. sorrow engulfed her when she realized he's gone. she longed for his presence. she yearned for his love. when she finally saw him she was overjoyed. she wanted to put her arms around the only man who truly loved her. she wanted to throw herself at his feet and hold on to him forever. 

if i could, i would hug him too. if i could, i would let my forehead kiss his feet and cry and cry and cry. i would cry all the words i couldn't say and i know he will understand. there's no adjective that can explain how much i'm looking forward to being with him. years from now before my body finally rests before my eyes bid the world goodbye, before my lungs give back to the world the borrowed breaths, i'll smile and think about him. then my heart will give one last powerful beat and i'll be where he will wipe every tear from my eyes. where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain (rev 21:4). but as for now, i will hold on to that hope, and i will continue to fight the good fight in living for my God. 

learning to be the light

lyrics

today our tagaytay trip finally pushed through. a few weeks ago gestee and i were talking about our dream to go to a place alone and just meditate on the Word. That was the plan! we'll go to tagaytay together, separate then just meet back after. i don't know how keith got in the picture but he did. hahahaha! just kidding keith:) 

i don't want to bore anyone with details. i would just describe how the day was for me. 

i really needed this escape, this retreat, this break. it was good to be there in a peaceful place with 2 friends. we didn't have a concrete plan. we didn't really know where to go. we went on an adventure. it was wonderful. 

we finally rested at the picnik grove, where we separated to have our quiet time. later we met up to bond. 

lovely day. 

How Great is Our God Chorus

i really have been wanting to make a cover for the past months unfortunately though i haven't gotten 'round to finding the perfect Christian song for my voice. Christian songs are actually very hard to sing. but anyway, i was with my church friends, Gestee and Keith, today and they wanted to play around with my mic. we really wanted to do a christian song but we couldn't find the right instrumental so they suggested to do it acapella. we tried to do the whole song but it was hard so we just did the chorus haha! it's very short but enjoy:) 

love song for you

i dedicate this song to you. you who felt rejected, insecure, broken, alone, down, hurt, and every emotion and thought that is bringing you down. 

GOD IS SINGING TO YOU.