I regret many things in the past, but the most recent thing I could come up with is the fact that I trust people that I shouldn’t. I think the fact that I assume every single person is innately kind, makes me open up to them easily and trust that whatever secret I say will be between us, and that it is a start of a more intimate friendship. THAT’S WHAT GOES THROUGH MY MIND WHEN I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE.
I regret telling very personal things to those who do not know to keep things to themselves. It makes me feel so upset knowing that I made a promise to myself that I will keep whatever secret it is that the person told me, and that I will start a deeper relationship with that person then the next thing I know, my secret has been passed from ear to ear.
It’s quite depressing when things like that happen because I get to frustrated that I learned to like the person, and I end up very wrong in my judgment.
Honestly, because I suck at trusting people, and because it has happened more than once, I learned not to assume kindness to everyone anymore. I do not think anymore that people are innately kind. I do not trust people immediately anymore. I am now more reserved than I used to be with people who are not my close friends, and it’s all because of my lack of ability to choose the people I should trust.
It’s really hard when things like this happen because I find it hard to forgive. Sharing something personal to a person is like giving a part of yourself to that person, as though to say “I know I can trust you that’s why I am telling this to you. I have now invested in my friendship with you, and I hope that it will develop into a more intimate relationship as time passes.” So it’s really hard for me to “say that” and have them do something so horrible to me. Its so hard to accept, but I have to.
i have forgiven, but I have not forgotten. And because I have not forgotten, I have learned.
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