I’m not sure if everyone has had a point in his or her life where they felt a mental, emotional, spiritual breakdown, but I surely had one. Actually, there were two points in my life where I felt so low, but the only difference between those two experiences was that I didn’t face the second one alone; I had God with me.
The first one I was spiritually down. I was so far from God and I knew it. I knew my life wasn’t making Him happy, but I couldn’t stop. I was a prisoner of sin. It came to the point that I do not pray anymore because I couldn’t face God. I can’t pray to Him and ask for guidance. I can’t pray to Him to ask for forgiveness then wake up the next day and do it all over again. I can’t. I knew in my heart that I was hiding from God.
I still remember that moment before I slept; there was guilt in my heart. I always prayed before I went to sleep. I would tell God about my day, and ask Him to guide my family, and me, and ask for forgiveness, but that night I couldn’t. I lay in my bed trying to sleep but I couldn’t. I felt so uneasy knowing that God is watching me and that he knows me and that he knows what I’ve been doing with my life.
Months after that night, I became a Christian and my life rotated to 180 degrees. i now hate the things i used to love. i can now say no to temptation and do what God wants me to do. And every time I try to recall the life I used to live before becoming a Christian, I remember that night that I hid from God.
Look at your life right now. Do you know that God is watching you? Do you know that every little thing you say and do, he sees and hears? Do you know that He knows what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling? He knows you more than you know yourself. And I ask, Do you think your life is pleasing God?
Now I go to the second time I felt lowest. Until now I don’t know why it had to happen, but I have my theories. That time of my life, I was experiencing emotional and mental torture. No one knew exactly what I was going through, and when I think of it now, I still break down.
I still can’t talk about it without crying, so I won’t elaborate on it. All I’ll say is that at that time, I had a few people I can count on. So many people in my life that I trusted, disappointed me, and that was the time that I clung to God so hard. Every single day that I awaken, I had to face my goliath. Every single day, I wanted to cry. Every single prayer I had was a prayer for strength.
One day, when I find the strength to, I’d talk about this, but it’s still too much for me.
I just want to say that God is a just God and I know that I went through made me stronger as a person. And as a Christian, my Faith has deepened and blossomed. And I am glad that through all of that I did not run away from God, but rather, I ran to Him.
It’s been 2 years since all of that, and God has made everything right. I am happy to say that because of God’s wonderful love, I am able to forgive everyone that hurt me. I did not hold grudges, and I do not hate them. In fact, I asked God to help me open my heart to love them, and I know I am able to. I won’t say that all the hurt is gone, because obviously it’s not, but I still choose to love these people amidst the pain.
i loved these people before, and i know that hurt only covers the love, so its not gone; it's there!. i know i love these people, and the more that i take away the hurt with God's help, the more i can show these people how much i really do love them.
I actually just finished my devotions on Job 3 – 5 and I want to share these verses.
17 “But consider the joy of those corrected by God! Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin.
18 For though he wounds, he also bandages. He strikes, but his hands also heal.
19 From six disasters he will rescue you; even in the seventh, he will keep you from evil.
20 He will save you from death in time of famine, from the power of the sword in time of war.
20 He will save you from death in time of famine, from the power of the sword in time of war.
21 You will be safe from slander and have no fear when destruction comes.
22 You will laugh at destruction and famine; wild animals will not terrify you.
23 You will be at peace with the stones of the field, and its wild animals will be at peace with you.
24 You will know that your home is safe. When you survey your possessions, nothing will be missing.
25 You will have many children; your descendants will be as plentiful as grass!
26 You will go to the grave at a ripe old age, like a sheaf of grain harvested at the proper time!
No comments:
Post a Comment